Friday, May 21, 2010

MABEL & My Dear Friend

“The state-run convalescent hospital is not a pleasant place. It is large, understaffed, and overfilled with senile and helpless lonely people who are waiting to die. On the brightest of days it seems dark inside, and it smells of sickness and stale urine. I went there once or twice a week for four years, but I never wanted to go there, and I always left with a sense of relief. It is not the kind of place one gets used to.

On this particular day I was walking in a hallway that I had not visited before, looking in vain for a few who were alive enough to receive a flower and a few words of encouragement. This hallway seemed to contain some of the worst cases, strapped onto carts or into wheelchairs and looking completely helpless. As I neared the end of this hallway, I saw an old woman strapped up in a wheelchair. Her face was an absolute horror. The empty stare and white pupils of her eyes told me that she was blind. The large hearing aid over one ear told me that she was almost deaf. One side of her face was being eaten by cancer. There was a discolored and running sore covering part of one cheek, and it had pushed her nose to one side, dropped one eye, and distorted her jaw so that what should have been the corner of her mouth was the bottom of her mouth. As a consequence, she drooled constantly.

I was told later that when new nurses arrived, the supervisors would send them to feed this woman, thinking that if they could stand this sight they could stand anything in the building. I also learned later that this woman was eighty-nine years old and that she had been here, bedridden, blind, nearly deaf, alone, for twenty-five years. This was Mabel. I don’t know why I spoke to her. She looked less likely to respond than most of the people I saw in that hallway. But I put a flower in her hand and said, ‘Here is a flower for you. Happy Mother’s Day.’ She held the flower up to her face and tried to smell it, and then she spoke. And much to my surprise, her words, although somewhat garbled, because of her deformity, were obviously produced by a clear mind. She said, ‘Thank you. It’s lovely. But can I give it to someone else? I can’t see it, you know, I’m blind.’ I said, ‘Of course, and I pushed her chair back down the hallway to a place where I thought I could find some alert patients. I found one, and I stopped the chair. Mabel held out the flower and said, ‘Here, this is from Jesus.’ That was when it began to dawn on me that this was not an ordinary human being. Later I wheeled her back to her room and learned more about her history.

She had grown up on a small farm that she managed with only her mother until her mother died. Then she ran the farm alone until 1950 when her blindness and sickness sent her to the convalescent hospital. For twenty-five years she got weaker and sicker, with constant headaches, backaches, and stomachaches, and then the cancer came too. Her three roommates were all human vegetables who screamed occasionally, but never really talked. They often soiled their bedclothes, and because the hospital was understaffed, especially on Sundays when I usually visited, the stench was often overpowering.

Mabel and I became friends over the next few weeks, and I went to see her once or twice a week for the next three years. Her first words to me were usually an offer of hard candy from a tissue box near her bed. Some days I would read to her from the Bible, and often when I would pause she would continue reciting the passage from memory, word-for-word. On other days I would take a book of hymns and sing with her, and she would know all the words of the old songs. For Mabel, these were not merely exercises from memory. She would often stop in mid-hymn and make a brief comment about lyrics she considered particularly relevant to her own situation. I never heard her speak of loneliness or pain except in the stress she placed on certain lines in certain hymns.

It was not many weeks before I turned from a sense that I was being helpful to a sense of wonder, and I would go to her with a pen and paper to write down the things she would say…During one hectic week of final exams, I was frustrated because my mind seemed to be pulled in ten directions at once with all of the things I had to think about. The question occurred to me, ‘What does Mabel have to think about-hour after hour, day after day, week after week, year after year not even able to know if it’s day or night?’ So I went to her and asked, ‘Mabel, what do you think about when you lie here?’ And she said, ‘I think about my Jesus.’ I sat there, and thought for a moment about the difficulty, for me, of thinking about Jesus for even five minutes, and I asked, ‘What do you think about Jesus?’ She replied slowly and deliberately as I wrote…:

‘I think about how good he’s been to me. He’s been awfully good to me in my life, you know…I’m one of those kind who’s mostly satisfied…Lots of folks wouldn’t care much for what I think. Lots of folks would think I’m kind of old fashioned. But I don’t care. I’d rather have Jesus. He’s all the world to me. ‘ And then Mabel began to sing an old hymn:

Jesus is all the world to me,

My life, my joy, my all.

He is my strength from day to day,

Without Him I would fall.

When I am sad, to Him I go,

No other one can cheer me so.

When I am sad He makes me glad.

He’s my friend.

This is not fiction. Incredible as it may seem, a human being really lived like this. I know. I knew her. How could she do it? Seconds ticked and minutes crawled, and so did days and weeks and months and years of pain without human company and without an explanation of why it was all happening-and she lay there and sang hymns. How could she do it? The answer, I think, is that Mabel had something that you and I don’t have much of. She had power. Lying there in that bed, unable to move, unable to see, unable to talk to anyone, she had incredible power. Here was an ordinary human being who received supernatural power to do extraordinary things. Her entire life consisted of following Jesus as best as she could in her situation: patient endurance of suffering, solitude, prayer, meditation on scripture, worship, fellowship when it was possible, giving when she had a flower of piece of candy to offer. Imagine being in her condition and saying, ‘I think about how good he’s been to me. He’s been awfully good to me in my life, you know…I’m one of those kind who’s mostly satisfied.’ This is the twenty-third Psalm come to life: ‘The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.’ For anyone who really saw Mabel- who was willing to “turn aside”-a hospital bed became a burning bush; a place where this ordinary and pain-filled world was visited by the presence of God. "

Case Study written by Tom Schmidt published in, "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg

The timing of this story in my life is incredible. I LOVE that God knows how to meet me right where I'm at. Over the course of the last 11 days, I have wrestled with God like never before. He has been asking me over and over, 'Do you love me most? Do you choose me first? ' As I read this story about Mabel last night, I could hear God saying, 'I want to be your life, your joy and your all. Think about me more than anyone or anything else.' It makes me sad to think how easily my heart can become distracted, but yet God never gives up on me. I spend so much time thinking about the things of this world and myself. God continues to find ways to pursue me and get my attention. He is jealous for me! The God of this Universe thinks about me and wants to spend time with me.

'I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to Him.' 2 Corinthians 11:2

Just last week, I found out that someone dear to my heart has cancer. The people around her would never know. She continues to smile, bless, and love everyone. Her mission on a daily basis is to make sure the people she comes into contact with know that they are loved. Not once have I heard her complain, but yet I know she feels extremely sick from her treatments. Her strength and perspective comes from God. Mabel's strength and perspective came from God. My heart is challenged and inspired by these beautiful ladies. My prayer is that God will continue to do a work in my heart. I long to think more about Jesus and for Him to once again be ALL the world to me.